As adults, we know that feeling of being outside our comfort zone. As a performer, I have felt it often. The unique combination of adrenalin, fear, excitement and nerves is where I found my inner strength and grew in confidence, setting the stage for what success looked like for me.
Now, as a parent and educator, I know that taking that step outside of comfort is an important aspect of learning and growth. But how can we help children with this experience without pushing too far? Here’s how to navigate and help your child take that step.
1. Get to know your child’s comfort zone
There’s no one size fits all when it comes to the space where your children feel safe and secure in their abilities. If you have more than one child, you’ll certainly have experienced this! It’s important to get to know the boundaries of each child’s comfort, which will help guide you on the little steps they can take.
When they feel uncomfortable about an event or new extracurricular activity, dig a little deeper to find out why. Are they worried about not being good enough or feeling embarrassed? Maybe it doesn’t fit with an identity they have for themselves, like being good at sports and perhaps feeling that they need to shun drama? Are they scared to perform or be a part of a team with others relying on them?
If you can understand their resistance, it will help with finding the strategies to move past that resistance.
2. Redefine success beyond comfort
It’s helpful to name feelings and let kids know that they are natural responses to new things. Doing this is a way of showing empathy and support that helps to build their perspective. It’s only through experience that we develop perspective, so as a parent, sharing yours is a gift.
For some kids, the pressure they place on success can be overwhelming.
“I like to redefine success depending on my child and the new experience challenging their comfort zone.”
Success may simply be staying to the end of a new class that builds perseverance or finding the courage to ask the teacher a question. Navigating fear, vulnerability, discomfort or worry with a plan can shift the focus as they venture into new territory.
3. Find their stretch point
Now that you know where their comfort zone sits and what their resistance is, you can look to giving them some stretch. A small step that won’t have your child running back to their rooms but instead dipping their little toe in the water to extend them without overwhelm.
That might be trying something new with a friend in tow to give each other a boost of confidence. Or laying down some prep work well ahead of time to visualise and mentally map out how it will go. Taking advantage of trial classes is a good step, but even a dry run of visiting or viewing might be right for your child.
As parents, we have the confidence to seek out the possibilities that might make the stretch easier but a challenge outside their comfort zone nonetheless. I call this ‘daring to try’, which builds courage and grit for both short and long term emotional development.
4. Stepping back and allowing discomfort
I think that this one is the hardest as a parent. Stepping back and allowing some discomfort in our children feels counterintuitive. But we can’t be there in protector mode all of the time. It’s from stepping outside their comfort zone that kids build resilience, which is a life skill we want for them.
“Maybe it’s also a case of pushing ourselves as parents beyond our own comfort zone to step back and let our kids learn, feel challenged and figure it out.”
Sometimes that little push gives our kids an opportunity they may learn from and even enjoy when their first natural reaction was avoidance. Your perspective will guide you on when to push and when to hold. No matter what, let them know you’re there for comfort or celebration on the other side!
5. Celebrate your child’s growth
Stepping outside their comfort zone is a huge deal, no matter how big or small it seems to us! It’s created a new experience, where they’ve needed to navigate their emotions, build perspective, find resilience and confidence in themselves. But it’s also ok to return to their comfort zone if it wasn’t for them.
The doing of it, the ‘avoiding the avoidance’ is a lesson in itself. There’ll be more opportunities to feel that buzz of a new experience as they grow and each one will layer their courage to try the new, even when they’re scared. Remember that feeling?!
6. Growth opportunities that challenge your child with guidance
No one likes to be thrown in the deep end or be asked to jump first. That’s fear without a plan. If you’d like to help your child step outside their comfort zone, look to programs that cater to that with the kind of nurturing that will make both you and your child feel safe and secure.
Programs like our Drama Time, tap into kids’ imaginations, a part of their brain that can become harder to access as they grow older and feel uncomfortable exploring. But with a great teacher making it fun and peers sharing the experience, they can take this step out of their comfort zone and grow in confidence. There are great opportunities for our kids to grow and it’s possible to find just the right ‘stretch’ for them.
The time kids have between school and dinner or weekends is perfect for kids to step out of their comfort zone. To get creative, build confidence and develop life skills knowing there is nurturing and comfort to turn to from you when they need it. With patience and empathy from us, we’re helping them grow into healthy, mindful and confident adults — all in good time.
Find a program at your child’s school here.
