As parents, we often worry about our children’s friendships. Do they have enough friends, are they positive interactions that make them happy and what can I do to help them?
Friendships help children to grow positive connections that bring happiness and wellbeing. But making and keeping friends does need emotional, self-regulation and social interaction skills.
Friendship in children often begins through play where taking turns, sharing, having fun, co-operation and compromising are learning opportunities.
As parents, we can support this learning by teaching our kids how to:
- understand their own and their friend’s emotional responses
- respect their friend’s perspective
- show empathy and offer help
- Have positive interactions and conversations
- Handle conflict and disagreements
- Say sorry and be understanding of mistakes
How to do all of that? The practices below will help create that learning environment, supporting them to make and keep good friends.
Being a role model for positive friendships for your child
When our kids are little, parents facilitate those first friendships through play dates and activities. But their home life is the first safe and stable place to learn the skills of friendship. The family relationships they have at home remain the biggest influence on their development as they learn about interactions, relationships, emotions, empathy, conflict and all of the other life skills that feed into friendships.
Whether as a parent you have many friends or a close few, showing what it means to be a good friend will provide an example for your child. Having fun with friends, being respectful, understanding, showing care, or even demonstrating playfulness demonstrates a real-life example of the give and take in friendships.
From those learnings, we help children to become a good friend and to also recognise a good friend.
Get to know your child’s friends
Play dates or ‘catch ups’ as they get older help children navigate and nurture their friendships outside of the space they normally interact in and to create them independently from their parents. However, we also want to ensure the friendships they have are positive and to know the space they are in is safe and positive too.
When they’re young it can help to remain present for the early stages of a play date to get a view on the interaction, get to know the friend’s parent or caregiver and be there for your child if they change their mind.
Helping your child to make or keep friends if they’re struggling
It’s normal for all children to have some anxiety, nerves or trouble making friends. It may be that they’re facing some strongly formed friendship groups and feel shut out or there’s been a dynamics change that’s difficult to adapt to. When they come home upset or feeling like they’re not well-liked, it’s particularly hard.
Speaking with their teacher or seeking help might also be a strategy to take. Building their skills and confidence with these steps may equip them to both make friends and navigate the friendships they do make.
Verbal and visual cues for your child to learn
Helping kids learn the verbal and visual cues of others can help with first interactions and with the dynamics of friendship. Give them a phrase they can use to enter into an interaction and the visual cues to look for that someone will be open to an approach. Recognising when friends need space or conflict is bubbling are also good life skills.
Helping your child find common ground with friends
Shared interests are the hallmark of many friendships. If your child has a special game or skill to share, this can often spark curiosity and interest in other children and lead to interaction and friendships. This can be particularly useful for shy kids who may initially find non-verbal interaction easier.
Buddying up to make friends
Many schools have a buddy system that can help kids navigate their new environment through an older student. Or a buddy bench that invites other students to offer support and play.
Extra-curricular activities for making friends
If your child finds making friends at school challenging then extra-curricular activities can really help. It expands interest areas and isn’t restricted by the structure of school. They can test out and discover who and how they like to spend time with other children in a shorter time frame than the classroom every day. We see so many friendships blossom in the Academe Time programs, with many children expressing their personalities to connect with others easily and freely.
Parent sounding board for friendship struggles
School reluctance, becoming quiet or anxious or not eating their lunch may be signs of friendship issues. It might be difficulty in making friends or an issue that’s come with a friendship they do have.
You can try talking with your child and creating a safe space to speak about the emotions and reactions we all have to friend troubles. Giving an example of your own, whether as an adult or child, can help them to see that it’s normal and also able to be resolved.
Speaking to their teacher can help uncover issues that are happening. If bullying is suspected from either party, always step in to help and speak with the school.
One friend or many for your child
Some of us have a large circle of friends. However, others prefer the company of a few. Your child’s personality will soon show what they prefer. Sometimes they may even like simply being on their own and that’s ok. As long as they have the confidence to reach out for friendship or interaction when it’s needed alongside the confidence to be on their own, then they are growing and developing the life skills that will help them throughout their life in a positive way.
At Academe Time we encourage kids to grow in confidence through life skills including empathy, gratitude, grit, resilience and courage. So it’s not surprising that these values are used in both making and keeping friends. What we all know is that finding a friend you truly connect with is a wonderful experience that builds us up and helps us enjoy a happy and healthy life. That’s something that we all want for our kids.
Help them make some new friends through an Academe Time extra-curricular program at their school. Visit www.academtime.com and view the programs available.
